I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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