Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
