Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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