When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
