i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize