Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
