I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
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This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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