does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
