do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
