I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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