i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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