the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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