You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
