I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We don't watch enough power rangers
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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