I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
