Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
