Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
