i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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