Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
