Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize