Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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