My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
