a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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