Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize