and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
