Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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