Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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