'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
