Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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