yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
