I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we should paint friendship bongs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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