I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
