i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
