Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
