I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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