I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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