bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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