I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
