Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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