it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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