I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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