a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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