I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
