ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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