I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
