my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize