you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
