I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
