I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
