Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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