I want you more than these girls want KFC
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
