is your mom at the bar?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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