There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
