you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
