It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Everyone says I win the strip club
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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