just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
