Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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