Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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