Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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