party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
dude. I can hear the air.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
