when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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