Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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