I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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