I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
