Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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