If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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