He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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